Begin Again. [True story]

I rarely share my life (apart from my book-geeking life) to this blog, but Just for an exemption today. If you regularly read my Sunday blessings post, I always share a bit of how stressed I am. And maybe this post would explain it. A testimony..kinda. :)

Begin Again.

I don't even have the slightest gloating feeling in my heart right now. Just relieved and sad. I admit I was hurt a lot of times in the past, the most is my mom not believing me and instead she chose to defend that person. I got her point..but she just did not get mine...maybe not even listened to what I had to say. And now, turns out I was right all along, and if she just listened to me, we wouldn't have experienced all those shits and craps. But instead of feeling smug all about it, I'm sad and equally relieved. Sad about how it all ended, when it could have ended in another way. Sad how people can be still ungrateful instead of being grateful to people who gave them a chance to pick up themselves and prove to those he has hurt in the past that he is truly a changed person, even when he doesn't deserve it. We pitied him and tried to save him from further falling down.. Further, I saw how opportunities after opportunities come his way all the time. Just after he flopped another business or project, a new one comes in. Truly God loves him and constantly shows His loving grace to him. Most of all financially. But it's like he doesn't even want to help himself. It's sad and just...sad. 

 But I also admit that I am relieved beyond measure to have that prick out of our system. And maybe there's also a part of me that's thankful that those things happened to me, to us, because its certainly one hell of an experience I will learn from and will never forget. I feel sorry for that person we helped..tried to help and even tried to understand his shitty attitude and deceitful ways., but only God can really help him after all. I now understand how those people he lied to and hoaxed and cheated  in the past feel, and why so many people warned us about him. A cunning man, we thought has changed for God, is still a person who has so many baggages with him..pulling him down, digging his own grave..and pulling people with him. BUT! I refuse to be along with him, that's why I chose to cut my ties from that person. we chose. And I know that we made the right decision, because we should have done that in the first place.

Now it's time for a new beginning, a renaissance of some sort. I am grateful to God for this experience and for the chance to do it all over again. To which I sing Taylor Swift's 'Begin Again'. Not only applicable to romantic love, but all sorts of love. For me, continuing to show love to my enemies. I do not particularly hate that person who hurt us, I just hated what he did to us, and all the negative words he's still saying about us, and I know without a doubt nobody will believe him, he's the only one who believes in himself. And that's a sad fact. I remembered singing "Mean" by TSwift yesterday, and thinking it suits to that person. I truly hope he will change. Truly change and not being a hypocrite. And i hope someday he can have his own "begin again" moment, just like I'm having now. Heck, I even want to sing "22" again, as I'm 22, and young as I am, I'm blessed and I feel like this opportunity is such a blessing. Though hard but I know it's all worth it. It doesn't matter how old you are, but these things will come. I experienced lots of heartbreaking spiels the past two years, from my BP recurring and being cured, to my dad dying, to having some major issues with my sister, to having people claim our properties, and by people I mean lots of people, to having our lives threatened. It's unnerving and just stressing and also scary for a bit.. And also depressing ( for the part of my dad dying) But God has been faithful and he is just so good to us, I feel his protection all over. And as much as I don't want to experience all those things again, but I won't deny not being proud of having successfully gone through all that, though broken but still whole. I just feel stronger and more matured as a person. I understand more and maybe gained more wisdom we can only get from experience.

Now, I'm ready to begin again. :)